just the way you look tonight

Tonight I played tennis for the first time in three years, and it felt wonderful.

I wish I had more time to write in this blog; rereading my daily triumphs and fancies is inspiring and a greater volume presupposes greater opportunity for inspiration.

Wrote this awhile ago, comments/criticism appreciated.

- Mnemosyne

and I sit among the raspy fumes
and hear a mockingbird sing
and a wave of perfume flows over me
and the sun climbs above the clouds
one last raindrop falls upon the stone
I look up and she hides her face
with clouds newly gray
and I realize her reassurance will not stay
there is no haunting fear today;
just telegraphed emotions, winking to and fro
I sit silent and watchful
muse in her frozen bone
my artist will come home
his love will warm my marble immortality
and until Time takes him away
life will pour through my cold veins
and my glazed eyes will sparkle like diamonds
yes, my artist will rise to glory
my outstretched hand on his heart
and when Time takes his love from me
I will die once more
and hope the Great Father will be so kind
as to one day assign me another great mind

creamy sunsets and dreamy daylights

Driving into the sunset today I reveled in the glory of the winding road, lovingly surrounded by walls of pine and citrus grove. The sky was dappled like a great American flag; red light stretching over the hills, fading to cream cloud as the pulsing orange sun dipped down, and crowned with a beautiful pale blue heaven over all.

The sun finally set, and the whole sky was no longer flushed with rose petals, but was as ethereal and blue as summer dreams. Every time I drove past an orange grove the heavenly perfume scented the air and I could smell it for miles.

Amid all the loveliness the space shuttle took off, tracing a bright spark in the sky as it plunged spaceward, and I wished them luck in reaching their destination as I raced towards my own.

It's over

his heart is locked up and he won't give anyone the key.


...calling all heart surgeons...

he said, she said

he said: I'm sorry for not getting back to you earlier yesterday, I hope you had fun at your party though. Can I ask you another favor? We need to move our date today to after my test Monday. I need to study...

i said: Yeah whatever.

he said: Okay, I know I'm being really flakey. I know I would be annoyed if it was happening to me. I'll try to be better about it in the future.

i said: I'd really appreciate that. Never seeing you sucks, and all my friends are telling me that I look unhappy. I really want to see/talk to you more.

he said: Alright. Well this is my first test and I majorly need to study. To give you an idea I'm not going to the gym or watching my fave show tonight, lol.

i said: I know school is more important than me - trust me I get that bit. But seeing you once a week or less is seriously lame.

he said: Well let me just knock out this test and then we can talk about it.

i said: Good luck with this test then.


last night two ex-boyfriends asked me to see them; one wanted sex, one wanted a kiss. my best friend told me that he's always there for me. my high school sweetheart was my valentine, and a sweet young chef I just met a few weeks ago spent his breaks in a long day at a valentines' hotspot txting me and making me laugh.
he only txtd me once, replying to a message in which i'd asked if he was coming to my friends' party with me.

he was the only one that i thought about all night.

The domino effect

One little movement knocks over one little block and suddenly the ripples spread outward, setting off a chain reaction that completely changes your surroundings.

People get hurt; lives change, and the flow eddies on, but the deeps have been stirred and the rocky river track will never be the same, even as the surface babbles on unchanging.

Do people truly change? Some days I have changed, the others I remain the same, studying harder, then unable to concentrate, cooking healthily and then buying fast food.

Change, both a beautiful and a terrible word, for as humans we cling to the familiar and what we know and love. And yet, there is this strange saving flexibility within our hearts that causes us to follow Change and the lures he leaves behind him as he creeps and stalks and clashes with Life.

Dominos knock over their mates, one by one in a swift, smooth motion, change after change unfolding in a beautiful, terrible pattern - the future.

I went outside tonight,

newspaper in hand, on my way to the recycling bin, and paused for a second to look at the night sky, deepened beyond blue into the dusky azure that heralds the advent of warmer weather. In the dead of winter the sky is brilliantly black and dotted with sparkling diamonds; but as the summer slowly approaches there is a cobalt stain applied to the heavens and promises lovelier things to come.

I haven't much time for anything anymore, but I've missed this blog and crept back here tonight to remind myself why I began writing at all.

Hopefully this warm season will revive what was lost as the last one approached; that I will be able to write freely and haply once more.

Duty calls, there is homework yet to do. Bon soir, mes amies.

It was a very good year

Today I am twenty-one years old. My main objection to this milestone is that all my relatives and friends have been calling me and saying, "Do you feel any different yet?"

Aside from that it today was fairly lovely, as I have been lavished with presents and money, and fed royally. My birthday dinner was veal, with a nice Leidersburg red, and pavlova for dessert, with a rather fabulous bottle of Chateau Ychem.

Tomorrow I go back to UF, laden with new clothes, orange and blue nail polish, and the beginnings of a decent wine cellar. I hope I'll have more time/inspiration to write come this new semester, both fiction and this rambling blog.

Happy New Year everyone!